There’s nothing new you can learn about sex at this stage of life, right? You’ll be very happy to find out you’re wrong when you discover these life-changing tools.

By Sabrina Rogers-Anderson

I’m a former sex columnist for a major men’s magazine and I even wrote a sex self-help book. What could I possibly have to learn about sex?

A hell of a lot, it turns out. Our needs, desires and bodies change as we age, and after a marriage separation and sexual dry spell, I felt like a virgin again. Would I even remember what to do?!

It turns out having sex is like riding a bike and I got right back on that thang without a hitch (haha). But menopause and medications made me dry as a desert down there and struggling to reach orgasm (which had never been an issue before). 

I decided that an old dog could perhaps learn some new tricks, so I did some research into the latest sex research. And what I found blew my mind.

Entry level: Make Love Not Porn

Does mainstream porn make you feel self-conscious or even turn you off because the women are so plastic and the sex so far-removed from what you want and need? Do even user-generated porn websites leave you cold? Cindy Gallop felt exactly the same way, so she founded Make Love Not Porn in 2008.

People of all ages, shapes, sizes, genders and sexual orientations can upload their sex videos to the website. They’re then curated by the MLNP team to ensure they’re consensual and free from porn cliches.

MLNP has even launched the #MakeOlderLoveNotPorn movement to celebrate the sizzling hot sex lives so many older people enjoy.

I watched several videos across a wide range of age groups, body types and sexual styles. Some turned me on, some didn’t do much for me - as is to be expected - but I LOVED how real they were. Even the ones that didn’t get me hot and bothered fascinated me and I loved watching them. MLNP is truly a breath of fresh air in the porn world and big stars like Jameela Jamil have invested in it.

Pros: Watching real people have real sex on your own or with your partner could light a fire in your bedroom (figuratively because calling the firies is only hot in theory). No more feeling bad about your body or sexual prowess!

Cons: None because you can cancel at any time if you don’t like it.

Price: From USD$10 (AUD$15) a month

Mid range: Savage Love 

Dan Savage has been writing his sex advice column since 1991, making it the longest-running in America. He’s written seven books and his weekly call-in sex advice podcast, Savage Lovecast, is consistently in the top 10 sex podcasts on Apple.

He’s a vocal LGBTQI+ activist and there are no topics that are off-limits. From helping long-term hetero couples find their inner sex kittens again to providing no-holds-barred kink advice, he covers it all.

His Magnum subscription includes access to all his podcasts (including some exclusive content) and his entire column archive. His columns are hilarious and insightful - I especially love his “Quickies” where he gives short and sharp answers to several readers’ questions - and his podcast had me laughing out loud. I gleaned a few actionable pieces of advice that were helpful, but it’s mainly a form of entertainment for me.

Pros: You’ll love Dan’s graphic, helpful and hysterical advice.

Cons: You may have to do a deep dive to find the advice you’re looking for - or ask Dan a question yourself!

Price: USD$8 (AUD$12) a month or USD$40 (AUD$60) a year

Luxe: OMGYes

When I first heard about OMGYes’s groundbreaking research on women’s pleasure, I was intrigued. In partnership with three American universities, the researchers interviewed over 20,000 women about what gets their rocks off and their studies were peer-reviewed and published.

Serious stuff, but is there really THAT much more about sex we don’t know about? Um, yep! I learnt A LOT. Some tips seemed intuitive while others surprised me, but the best part was knowing that I wasn’t alone in needing specific techniques to help me get across the line.

For example, the Approach is that moment where you feel the orgasm starting to build up. For two-thirds of women, the technique of Consistency is critical at this stage. Whatever movement is happening, it needs to keep happening EXACTLY THE SAME. No switching it up, not even a little bit, just keep doing the same damn thing or you could “lose” your orgasm. Why does it feel so reassuring to know I’m not the only one who is so specific?! It also helped me find the right words to explain to my partner what I need.

I also learnt that focusing on having an orgasm can make it hard to have one and about the techniques women use to silence the noise in their heads. Some are freaking cool like putting on an eye mask and a timer for 20 minutes and letting your partner go to town down there without worrying about him being tired or bored! 

And I discovered that shallowing - touching or penetration just inside the entrance of the vagina - gives 84 percent of women extra pleasure. Awesome, right?! 

Pros: Not only will you get evidence-based sex tips based on 20,000 women’s feedback, but you can watch tasteful but graphic videos of real women showing you how it’s done as well as animations. I can almost guarantee you’ll learn something new and useful.

Cons: None!

Price: AUD$73 for lifetime access to the Essentials collection or AUD $108 (down from the regular price of $218) for lifetime access to the full collection.